Tam's Blog

This Is My Life And I Love What I Do

2012-01-25T00:51:00.001-05:00

My new mantra.

This week is/has/will be one of my busiest weeks here in NYC yet, not because of my raging social life or any trivial things like that but because I am working towards a competition that will be filmed on friday and stepping up in terms of my work for school, I have not been this busy since starting school here and each week the work and standards I set for myself are getting higher and more consistent.

So, to cope with the stress (not that it's stressful as much as it is just snowed under - pardon the snow pun) I am just working on my time management, my incessant need for lists and making sure I sleep enough, eat well enough and generally putting my priorities in order. So far so good, and when I slip into that dangerous mindset of "am I good enough? Can I really do this... What if I fuck up? Etc" I remind myself of where I was a year ago and to be grateful for the support and love I am receiving from my circle - I am so very lucky.

I also remind myself of my 2012 goals for the year: to seek truth, presence knowledge, discipline & growth. As long as I am working on these things, I have no reason to fault what I am doing....

So back to work, see you after

Tx

Braving The Snow

2012-01-22T16:07:00.002-05:00

Tried to get out today and go for a run only to find they hadn't cleared our running track - gives me a giggle when I see the photo I took of it 3 weeks ago ...

Loving that I am adjusting to the weather ok and haven't gotten any seasonal depression yet.... I still ran outside along cleared concrete pathways - yesss! You can't stop me snow!

Before

After

It's SCHNOWING!!!

2012-01-21T22:41:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning and had to do a double take - my entire neighbourhood was covered entirely with fresh snow!!

I immediately texted my team e girls and then started taking photos to send to my family and friends in Aus who are lapping up the summer sun!!

The snow was beautiful, I hung outside my window taking photos and catching snowflakes - they were huge, they were as big as cotton balls just swirling between the buildings!!

Unfortunately I wasn't able to go outside and play for long as I had a rehearsal and there is no more snow predicted for the whole week! :(

Apparently though my birthday month is usually one of the worst winter months in NYC..... OH WELL! I'm excited anyway!

Happy snow days snow people!!

tx

Homesick

2012-01-21T00:37:00.003-05:00

It hit me tonight while listening to some Australian music, like a tonne of bricks, my heart ached and the tears flowed, I texted a good friend back home:

"I'm so homesick - I miss the days where all we did was play guitar and drink wine, and get boost juice, and get in our cars and drive to the beach, write songs about boys we hated, the days where it didn't matter what we were doing because we were just living...."

Where did these days go? I started to write, for the first time in a long time - a song. I got my guitar out and just started playing, no judgment, no critical thinking, just listening to my inner thoughts and letting them be. I miss writing my songs... I miss singing my songs. Why did I let that part of me go? Was I too hurt to even think about it? Did I just get older? More judgemental?

What a day, I think the Meisner classes are really starting to open me up, they are helping me as an actor and as a person. The tears are a good thing....

Anyway, I must sleep but will leave you with this.....

I really love this song, it's stunning, he reminds me of Jeff Buckley...

2012 Life and Winter So Far...

2012-01-17T22:43:00.001-05:00

A lot has been happening with life - *sighs* where do I start.....

So two weeks back into school and things are going great, we are just about halfway through our second semester and then it's not long till our wind up for showcase and I finish in March - I can't believe how quickly this has come up..... really.

I am literally ploughing through things, a lot less socialising than the holiday season brought me, and rightly so, I really need to hibernate more. A lot of late nights with my work, a lot of writing and researching for characters, songs, roles, actresses, musicals, directors, audition books, monologues, plays to read, acting books to decipher, planning, planning, planning, planning.... The more I read and research, the more I realise there is SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW. It can be quite overwhelming but I am managing I guess... there just aren't enough hours in the day. So much work that goes into each of our classes - it's full on!

For our tech theatre class today we got a backstage tour of Wicked, got to see all the costumes, the staging, the sets, it was so overwhelming - so incredible. The wardrobe was fascinating, we got to talk to one of the assistant wardrobe managers and he took us through all the costumes, it was a lot to take in. We are really starting to get a grip of this industry and what is expected of you in terms of your work you do and your professionalism, just incredible stuff!

We are spending a lot of time now where we are starting to figure out who we are - what we want to do, the roles we want to play, how we would audition for them, and the most helpful thing at school for that stuff is our business class - I LOVE it! This has been a real practical look at the industry and working out ways to get us jobs once we finish school, playing on our strengths and goals, lining them up - writing out all of our goals, I love these types of exercises, it really puts things into focus with what career I want an how to get it.

I continue to realise how much I want to do, there's a lot and I am just driven to do it. I've been thinking more about film, more about comedy, and not just limiting myself to music theatre - as brilliant as a full time career in musical theatre would be, there is so much out there that I want to be a part of, I want to do straight theatre, maybe do a film course once I'm finished, Shakespeare, sing in a band, keep on with the dancing and also do some more improv classes - SO MANY THINGS!!

Anyway, a lot of other stuff has been going on, my baby brother left Australia yesterday for a 6 month deployment with the Australian Army to Afghanistan.... Tough stuff, my mum and sister saw him off, really hard getting my head around it, we just hope he comes home safe.... I spoke to him on skype last night while he was at the airport and just broke down, you can't help but be worried for him and his safety over there. He's all set with his iPad to stay in touch and we have skype set up etc.... so fingers crossed he has a safe time over there with the other soldiers.

And also speaking of goodbyes, one of the girls in our class group at school had to go home back to NZ because of an injury. There are only 6 of us in our team (team estrogen), so one missing is losing a huge part of our group... and it went down so quickly, she had been to physio and they told her she needed an MRI because they were worried about her spine, which in America was going to cost way to much (thanks dodgy insurance!) We found out on Friday that she had to go, and she left for NZ on Sunday.... It's put a bit of a spanner in the works for our group, we're all really gutted that we've lost someone - lots of tears this week! It's been a big week!

On the whole though, things are plodding along (very quickly), I am loving where I live, it's a quirky little hood, a few funny characters, and they sometimes say funny things, it's really starting to get cold too! No snow as yet though - that's kind of disappointing ... we were really hoping for the white Christmas and we didn't even come close. We are over halfway through winter and there has been no snow... NO SNOW. Knowing my fabulous fortune, we will probably get 6ft of snow this weekend - so i'm not really bothered, really...

Also it's a month till my birthday. Then I will be 27. Or 21 again, depends on which way you look at it. I got asked for ID today as they thought I was underage, I'll stick to being a mature 21 year old - honestly, thank you America, you are doing wonders for my ego.

Not really sure what to do for my birthday though, maybe another apartment party? I love my apartment!

I still have bottles of wine left over from Christmas too! YESSSSS

Anyway, must sign off now, lots of work to do for a very important competition coming up.... will write more when I feel like I know more :)

tam x

Baby bro, the day of his deployment - so proud of you bro! xx

Early mornings in Harlem

Back To Work

2012-01-07T12:19:00.001-05:00

I feel like 2012 is going to be an even bigger year than 2011.

Somehow after the travel and highs and lows that 2011 brought me, I am feel grounded and a lot more focused. I'm not stressed, I'm not anxious (mind you all that could change), I'm feeling like I know what I need to be doing for my work and I'm really excited for this year.

I'm back to school and am working very hard, learning new repertoire, trying to get as much down before we finish in March - I can't believe we finish in March. Originally I was doing 2 years but because of finances etc I'm only doing the one, and I think it works out better anyway. I'm getting myself prepared to start auditions right away, for straight theatre and music theatre, I am starting to get really excited. Having said that, there's a lot that needs to be done.

I'm getting my audition book together, I will also be organizing my headshots soon and starting to build a website. Then I just need to get the work! Fingers crossed!

NYC is going great, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. I love this city and despite living in a more urban part of town, I love living in Harlem. It's quite beautiful, I know a few people in my hood and a few blocks away is the Riverside Park with a full running track and field. I'm getting back into running - how much have I missed it! So I'm back working my way up to my 5km run... Then eventually 10 but I don't know how that will happen when winter comes. We are in January and there is no snow - this time last year there was 5ft of snow, so weather wise it's a little worrying because of how unpredictable it it... Nevertheless, I am enjoying the heat and sunshine while it's still here.

So I must get back to work, I have some songs that need to be down for tomorrow and my weekend time is running out fast! Here's a few photos over the last week of the winter sun.
Peace

tx

Happy Holidays and #2012

2012-01-01T17:13:00.007-05:00

Happy holidays friends!

This holiday has been wonderful, my sister has come to visit, we have done a lot of tourist stuff, seen some shows - saw Silence! The Musical, Bonnie and Clyde, Follies, and we were also lucky enough to get last minute tickets to a Miranda Sings Show at Birdland - amazing! She is hilarious and so funny, we met some awesome people at the show as well - I just love NYC for that. Everywhere you go, people just talk to you, and next thing you know, you're talking shop, exchanging cards and become best friends, I just love it! My sister is really enjoying herself here too, and I am so glad she made it over. I have introduced her to the love of bagel:

We have spent some time around the parks, they were cold days! But loads of fun, no snow yet though....

It's been really nice to be away from school, I have had time to regroup, pick out more material to learn, think more about what I want to cover this year now that I know where I am going. It's been really good to just think and give everything some room to breathe, especially the work I'm doing. It's hard to find that in school time, to let pieces of music or monologues sit for a few weeks before you get right into them. Anyway, I also spent time writing letters to my friends and family who are neatly scattered over the world. I know it's sentimental but I really enjoy it, and I miss them all!

I spent the last few days before Christmas gearing up for the "Aussie Orphans" Christmas party - 15 Aussie people (and an English woman and an American) crammed into my apartment for a day of food (LAMB ROAST!), booze and games all in true Aussie Christmas spirit. It was a really wonderful day, we all got dressed up in our sweaters, everybody chipped in and brought food and drinks, we had a secret santa (I was the dirty old santa that gave out all the gifts while everyone sat on my lap), we played celebrity heads and just relaxed. I loved that although not everyone knew each other, we all had a really wonderful day and shared a little Christmas love.

Peeling the potatos.

Apartment!!

Group photo with ALL the guests crammed down my hallway!

Kessa, Jono and myself, chilling after eating lamb roast! NOMS!

My new year was quite the same - I have been getting my party hostess groove back - I don't have parties often but it's been good fun getting all social! I miss those days in Brisbane. We had another party in our apartment, good people, dancing and singing (apologies to the residents of Harlem who heard the abhorrent music coming out of our apartment - I am truly sorry...), we had the blackboard which everyone grafitti-ed with what they wanted for 2012 - quite a laugh, as the night went on people got a little more raunchy with their requests! Ha!

We went up to the roof before midnight and watched the fireworks that were downtown! It was really lovely and a wonderful way to bring in the New Year.

Here is Kes and I on my roof:

I am feeling really good about 2012. I had flashes in 2011 where I felt really solid with my path and what I was doing, kind of like I was completely invincible and could just get through anything if I worked hard enough - it would come in and out though, but I feel like after a breather from school I know where I am going now, I feel a lot stronger, I know what I have to do. I have what I need and I know what I want - I am really hoping this is an even bigger year for me. I've been thinking a lot about what has happened in 2011 and what I have achieved and learned and experienced. There's a lot that goes with that. It really has been an awakening, traveling has been the best medicine to shake things up for me. I am really ready for 2012. BRING IT!

My sister goes home tomorrow and I go back to school the day after - I've already been at "work" these last few days though, really excited!

Anyway, wherever you all are, happy holidays, I hope 2012 brings more than you could ever dream.

This year....

Seek: inner strength, discipline, truth, presence, knowledge, growth. #2012

On Holidays

2011-12-21T00:33:00.001-05:00

Finally!!

This year is almost over and school finished on Friday with most importantly our mid term exams for dance done and dusted.

We had auditions for roles in our showcase for the Cell Block Tango number from Chicago, so we had to learn 3 monologues and a dance number! It went really well, I got the role I wanted and got really positive feedback for my acting choices. Loving school and the work I'm doing!

So now I'm on holidays, my sister has arrived to stay with me for Christmas and NYE.

For Christmas I'm hosting an expat Christmas for Australians in NY (and an English woman) and any other random people who need some fabulous people to hang with at Christmas time. We are planning a lot of Aussie dishes, games, bad jumpers, drinks, fruitcake and just fabulous people! Really looking forward to chilling out, it doesn't really feel like Christmas because I'm not use to winter being Christmas time but looking forward to it.
Will write more soon. X

Hibernating

2011-12-11T23:42:00.001-05:00

I've been working so hard these last few weeks, so much stuff on for each of the 10 subjects I'm studying, plus all the extra research and reading I'm doing.

I've been working solidly on a few pieces, including the song "Everybody Loves Louis" from Sunday In The Park With George, love it - Dot is dream role for me. Have had some really good moments in class with that song and emotionally it's a lot of hard work but I'm really happy with the work I'm doing. Also working on my audition book, songs AND monologues - I've decided to keep my options open and look for roles in theatre as well as music theatre and then eventually get into film work if I can....
Just doing all the ground work now, getting ready so when the time comes - everything is in place to start auditioning and getting a job.

We've started training in Meisner which is really interesting work. Really starting to get a grip on acting even more, and understanding the conscious and unconscious application of the work.

"I am a human pin cushion" is our mantra for our stage combat (we originally thought it was called mortal combat) class. Learning fight choreography, getting real slapped and fake slapped - the real slap not so fun, learning how to fall and push safely, rolling (for when I score a lead in a movie as a cop), it's seriously active work!

We have a mock audition this week and we'll be auditioning roles for the six merry murderesses from the musical Chicago... Going to be a hoot! There is seriously so much work on! I have to learn 3 monologues for that, and we get dance choreo on the day!

I am love love LOVING my scene study and text analyses class. Our teacher is great, we are doing the play Our Town - brilliant! And I've since gone on a play reading spree as part of my hibernation, I've read Cosi, the Australian play, Rabbit Hole, and A Streetcar Named Desire. I've also just bought the complete works of Oscar Wilde and hope to read it over the winter while I continue to hibernate.

I've seen some brilliant plays in the last few weeks, Sleep No More was epic, I can't begin to describe that experience, it was just above and beyond. I also saw Happy Hour the new Ethan Coen play, again very brilliant and just witty - the diver and blow fish philosophy at the end had me in stitches. When my baby sister gets here next week we're going to see some other plays and musicals.... Look out Lion King! So excited.

The weather is starting to get really chilly and it's happened quite quickly, we don't have snow yet, but with the temps we have, if there was rain we'd have snow. But the days are so blue and fresh, it's quite a beautiful winter.

Life is going along nicely, just working really hard. Will write more soon

tx

Central Park

2011-12-01T19:11:00.001-05:00

I just love this park, it's so beautiful! I spent a lovely afternoon there and watched the sunset over the lake with an Aussie friend who is living over here.

We spent thanksgiving Friday shopping - bought new winter boots! Yay! Gearing up for this winter, I am actually excited, trying to suss out when NYC is expecting to snow, looking forward to it!

So these photos I got on my iPhone - not bad shots (filters are instagram).

Ps Happy winter!!

I'm Back

2011-11-25T23:12:00.002-05:00

I took out a few weeks just to catch up on life and work out where I was going with everything... and now I AM BACK.

I've had a few things eating at me, the direction my life is going in, what I really want out of life, who I want in my life, living here in NYC, so I've spent a lot of time just being internal Tam for a while and getting back to myself, my instincts, what I really want and how I'm going to get it.

So three things, the three things that are the most important to me, music, love and travel.
Music: expression, art, theatre, song writing, singing, learning, teaching;
Love: family, friends, my circle. My teachers. The important people, the authentic people, the real ones.
Travel: My place in the world, this city that I have fallen head over heels in love with, the places I will go, the places I have been, my roots in the world.

love,
tx

Showcase!!

2011-10-31T00:49:00.001-04:00

So after a week of rehearsing we made it to showcase night last Thursday evening at the NYFA screening room.

It went really well - will hopefully have some footage soon! I sang "Warm All Over" from Most Happy Fella (Frank Loesser), "It's Her Or Me" from Mis Saigon (Claude Michel Schönberg, Alain Boublil), I also sang a duet called "The Grass Is Always Greener" from Woman Of The Year (Kander & Ebb) plus we did a few ensemble pieces, "Be Italian" from 9 and "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof.

The entire show went really well, I was lucky to have a few of my good New York friends come along to watch, and I'm very proud of my class mates for their courage and commitment to this showcase. It was great working with the girls, we also worked with some wonderful teachers, Anna Ebbeson, Deidre Goodwin and Kevin Duda, they really helped with shaping the show and the songs we sung. Really happy with the outcome!

Afterwards we went out for dinner with the girls - affectionately we now call our group Team Estrogen, we had a few drinks and all that but really we were just so tired so we called it a night after a few hours and I was home by 11pm....

I'll have more photos soon, plus hopefully some video footage of the night! Yay!

Looking forward to starting my 2nd semester!
Tx

Now

2011-10-23T22:51:00.004-04:00

Take some time out for myself.

Learn, think, reflect.

Deal with my self doubts...

Plan what I can plan.

Focus on my life here in NYC

Not listen to what they say. Not look at what they do.

Clean my room & go for a run

Take more photos

Enjoy my time.

Read

Be.

Wading Through The Exams

2011-10-19T11:55:00.001-04:00

We are halfway through our exam week, the two biggest exams are out of the way with two dance exams to go - ballet and jazz dance!

Our 7 song assignment went well! Got an A-!
This week is just hectic, looking forward to sleeping most of this weekend and hibernating in my room. Have to be fresh for rehearsals next week for our showcase!

Life In The Fast Lane!!!!

2011-10-17T23:07:00.001-04:00

ZZZZZOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

That's how long it feels since I had last written - this week has flown!!

So many ups and downs, this week has been hectic in just about every aspect of my life.

School is crazy since auditions last week, we kind of needed (and GOT) a huge kick up the ass for our work or lack of, and have since pulled it together as the small group of women we are (affectionately known as team estrogen). All of our major assessment is this week and we have about 6 or so various things due - utterly crazy and surreal that I only started this course 15 weeks ago!
We also have our first showcase next week which we are all looking forward to!

Last week, my Aussie friend Jess and I attended a function that my housemate Sam had organised at the Australian Consulate which happen to be right near the beautiful Chrysler building and Empire State, we were on the 34th level of this beautiful tall building - amazing! I was also fortunate enough to meet some wonderful Australian musicians who are here either studying or having some sort of amazing career in this city!

The weather is starting to get chilly and I strangely enough miss London. I miss my friends! I met some lovely people there, my Swede and German sisters, my musician friends, it wasn't so bad!

Anyway really must sleep, big day of exams tomorrow - eeeeeeeeep!

Will write more soon,

Secret Life Of Tam xx

Pre-Audition Mantra

2011-10-10T14:47:00.001-04:00

This is a learning experience.
I am going with the flow.
I am relaxed.
I can do this.

Steve Jobs Tribute - Upper West Apple Store

2011-10-09T12:21:00.001-04:00

I walked past this on Thursday night only a few days after Steve Jobs had passed.

There were people gathered silently and watching, other people lighting candles, people writing notes, putting down apples (with bites in them), flowers, photos, a tv news crew, all the while Apple staff are going about their usual evening of retail.

First Show in NYC

2011-10-05T23:16:00.004-04:00

YAY!

Despite both of us nursing disgusting head colds and whatever else, I think we did a pretty solid performance. It was at this venue called The Players Club which has a lot of well known actors who are members, quite a historical club for theatre in America. Will hopefully have some video footage in the coming weeks! YAY! here's to going international....

tam xx

Beddy Bye Blues

2011-10-05T11:30:00.002-04:00

UGH
What a beautiful day outside, except I am stuck in bed like a complete invalid!

It's no fun AND it's not fair! I also have to sing tonight at an Honors event for NYFA tonight - which is so exciting, even though I look and probably sound like complete shit, i'm just going in to smash it! But I woke up with a massive headache and coughing up you don't want to know, I don't feel the best!! But the day is getting on and i'm slowly starting to do what I can while being stuck in my apartment for most of the day!

It's such a beautiful day outside!

Ugh woe is me!

In other non self pitying moments, I was lucky enough to catch up with one of my Australian friends here last night who has been here for almost a year, was so good catching up with friends here. I feel like sometimes I get too consumed with my school work and don't put any time into maintaining relationships with the friends I have here. Which is important because I really love living here in NYC. I love the culture and the people and the rush of being here, I need to focus more on being present while I'm in this city.

Anyway here's to beautiful people, I must drag myself to school for this show tonight!

Fall Is Here

2011-10-02T22:21:00.000-04:00

We are a month into fall which is just LOVELY! The season is changing quite quickly and I have been lucky to get out of the house today, in between working on school stuff and my usual weekend stuff. It was a really beautiful day and I walked down to get groceries and switch off for a bit, it was absolutely beautiful outside, got a little stormy as I was walking home. But I am loving our apartment, I love my room, we finally have the internet set up again (don't ask) so things are coming along nicely! I am looking forward to the winter - another white christmas ahead, but I feel like this year is going so fast that the change will creep up immensely and before you know it, I will wake up one day and we'll have 5 feet of snow outside our door.

*note to self - must buy a pair of gumboots for the snow STAT*

Also, with it going into the cuddly seasons, I have stocked up with tea - going to wean off coffee for the winter, and I still have my stash of English tea that I stowed from London - Teapigs Tea THE BEST! Earl grey, my fave AND have also hunted down chai tea (for when I have my reminiscent moments of Three Monkeys Chai in West End Brisbane with my girlfriends - I do miss those days!).

Happy autumn beautiful people, enjoy the change,

tamx

Trumpet Tam: The Musical

2011-10-02T13:11:00.000-04:00

New Housemate/Housewife

2011-10-01T23:54:00.001-04:00

So my Housemate and I are having a great time, we are in the same boat with a lot of things including money (bah!) BUT our work ethic is great - we are team productive!
Today we got $2.50 breakfast and coffee from the seedy deli across the street, worked on our school stuff all day and cleaned our house. It's so good not living with crazy people, or with filthy messy people, Sam and I get along great!
I joke that he is the housewife because of his super skilled cleaning abilities, but I am yet to test out the cooking.

Anyway, here's to wonderful people, and to living with someone as fabulous as me! ;)

Ramblin' Man

2011-10-01T14:46:00.002-04:00

I love this song. It makes me want to sing in a band again.

This Month

2011-09-28T11:58:00.005-04:00

Let the sun shine in......

In reflection, this has been a huge month of change.

A lot of self assessment, a lot of change and establishment, a lot of de-cluttering, moving into my new room, establishing good habits for my health, my mentality and for my art. A lot of breakthroughs with that which has made things a lot easier and clearer in my life.

I'm not going to lie, things been utterly difficult some days, and at times I find it hard to get out of the funk of it, like I am stuck mentally and can't move from the one thought or idea - and looking back it seems so ridiculous but after hitting these points I often ask myself, what am I doing here? Who am I, thinking I can make a career for myself in music theatre? In New York City? Am I good enough? Why not? What do I need to work on? Can I make it on my own? It has been a thoroughly challenging experience. I am no longer a voice teacher in Brisbane with 50 students a week and gigs and loads of people in my life.

I am a student, in a brand new city, with new people, with no real establishment just trying to break through and build from what often feels like the very beginning, a career in music theatre. I was constantly questioning myself.

What has turned this around for me has been a combination of things which I am going to share:

1. The undeniable support from my family and friends, my parents, my sisters who I miss dearly and my brother who never calls.

2. Going on from that, my friend Luke who constantly reminds me of "The Attitude of Gratitude", co-incidentally one of my best friends also jumped on this bandwagon and posted me a package which contained a gratitude journal, bless! I'm SO grateful for friends like this.

3. The last thing that has really helped is just learning to listen to my inner thoughts, and to reflect and assess: what do I want? I get so caught up in classes because they are so constant and just being in this busy city, every now and again I just have to consciously shut it out and just take time out for myself - which I am finally starting to really incorporate into my lifestyle. Go team!

So my list, the things I am grateful for:

- My parents, they are incredibly supportive for what I am doing, I love them and miss them so much.

- My sisters, for keeping up to date with their crazy older sister. They are always there.

- My circle, Kirsty, Luke, Jai, Tim, Tash, Sam, I could not ask for a more supportive group of friends who are always at the ready to delve into the bigger stuff with me, you keep me grounded...... <3

- New York City, for being the biggest character I know, this city is constantly surprising me with the wonderful people I meet and share my time with here.

- School at NYFA. I could not have asked for more, my teachers are incredible and want to see us reach our full potential in this industry, I am so grateful to have these wonderful people sharing their knowledge with us.

So my housemate is finally back and we are having a rocking time! I like having someone there who is similar to bounce ideas off and work with. We have a similar work ethic and set of values so i'm really looking forward to being around someone like that, it's really motivating and I am very lucky we are sharing our terribly cute apartment in Harlem.

Crazy awesome Brooklyn gig!

My dear housemate had a gig in Brooklyn on Sunday night which a group of us went to, was so good to meet some really wonderful people!

Here are some photos!

I met some really lovely people and am really inspired to get back into my writing and performing my own stuff, it's still there and it's burning. I just have to do it.

This weekend I will be locking myself away to do a shitload of work, really want to throw myself back into writing and being in that creative process, I really miss it. I also have to get heaps of schoolwork done! UGH!

SO I must go, lots to do!

love,

Tam

Break On Through To The Other Side

2011-09-23T20:58:00.002-04:00

The jigsaw is finally locking in, everyday I understand it more.
So many moments of clarity, my voice is coming together, belting my face off, yes I have those notes and yes I can do it. My constant repetition of "I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this" till the words are mushy and things go blurry, is paying off.

I GET ACTING. I GET it! (I just need to do it over and over and over and over and over .....)

Ballet? Ok, it's getting there, I'm picking up the patterns easy enough, just need to keep working, there is definite progression, holy shit I am getting muscles from ballet, Jazz is the same, just working on getting the styles down, and dancing through my brain-farts, dancing really is so much fun, it is the ultimate expression I am loving it!

SO. I feel loads better, I am continuing to push myself hard and I am really happy with where it's taking me. Just need to keep it up.

love

tamx

Still No Internet, Slightly Crazed, People Are Stupid

2011-09-20T21:39:00.003-04:00

Internet Haiku

This is fucking nuts

We still have no internet

How do we survive?

People Haiku

What is wrong with them?

Why are people shit at life?

Fix your life up please.

Curent Life Status Haiku

Money is stressful

Can some one give me a break?

Keep calm or flip out

In honour of starting Shakespeare classes, I have also written you a sentence or two in Iambic Pentameter....

"I want my coffee now before I scream"

"Theatre with less drama, please sir right now?"

Genius, huh?

Let's see how life goes for next week

LOVE

tam x

Life In NY

2011-09-13T21:47:00.003-04:00

I am consciously trying to take more time to reflect and really audit myself, my actions, my work ethic and aligning it all with what I want to achieve. It's coming along, a lot of writing, a lot of figuring out things, it's going good though. I think it's just nice to take the time out. I don't want to be burning the candle at both ends and completely losing it & burning out - health comes first!

I had a recording two weekends ago which went incredibly well, have started getting a more professional portfolio together. All the songs we recorded were songs I had already worked on at school and I am finally, if only for a split second, really happy with how my voice is sounding at the moment. This was the lovely room we recorded in at Manhattan School of Music - so beautiful! Such rish history in the building, was really lovely!

Because of previous experiences I am always so self conscious of how I sound, wanting to get the right intonation, the right sound for each song, the right feel and all that jazz - it felt like such a looming day but it turned out a lot easier than I expected and I was really happy with the outcome. A good friend of mine helped produce and did such a great job, I found an accompanist who was fabulous to work with - so wonderful having her on board!

I am back into funding mode and have been getting organised and back on the grant wagon. I have made some decisions about what I am doing and I will be running towards that plan now. It feels good to have a plan! YES! PLUS.... the Cabaret... Stay tuned.....

In a midst of my schedule, I am making the time to run the #c25km app at least 3 times a week. Also still riding every few days of school depending on the weather! Plus dancing 4 days a week - I am getting my fitness back (BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!), and dance classes are starting to crank up to hard core - learning some really complicated stuff that requires a lot of strength and energy!

Things have been a little disorganised on my end with having on internet at home (WTF - so depressing) We are hoping to have it on by this week - fingers crossed for me, I have realised a life without internet is not worth living at all! A bit dramatic, but nevertheless, true.

Ok gotta fly - dance classes soon and so many things to do before I get started!

Tam

PS thank you to my dearest friends who have sent stuff over to me, @TheJonesJones (Zarraffas coffee and chocolate), Jainy my gay husband (farkloads of cadbury!) and @Klvnt (for the almost 1kg tin of milo holy shit) - SO appreciated, makes me feel at home when I have a tin of milo and kilo's of cadbury chocolate in my pantry cupboard - now the challenge is NOT to touch it, right? HA

"I Need You So Much Closer"

2011-09-04T13:06:00.004-04:00

I get little bouts of homesickness - more recently and more often too. I just really miss my family.

Working (well, going to school) everyday, spending my spare time working on school stuff and not really having immediately close family available sometimes takes its toll on my stability and mentality. I wish my sisters and I could skype more. I wish my brother would call me instead of always telling me that he doesn't have my US number or doesn't have a computer to skype because of whatever reason... I wish I could be honest with my family about how much I miss them without crying about it.

It's just taking time adjusting....

I'm Alive (Hurricanes and Earthquakes) Part 3

2011-08-29T01:40:00.003-04:00

No biggy, pft!

This week has been huge, I'm so slack on my blog (as my Brazilian friend reminded me this week...) SORRY! Things are crazy, when is my life not crazy?

So this week NYC felt an earthquake tremor all the way from Virginia, and then the city locked down in an emergency with fears of what could have been a hurricane that swept up the east coast. WHAT A WEEK.

Leading up to my crazy hurricane housebound weekend, we had some ridiculous storms overtake the city - although it makes for great photography and instagram-ing. Has been frustrating though because I want to ride my bike and the weather hasn't been too crash hot on the idea....

We also had a major house drama which I'd rather not share publicly, but it resulted in me having to strip my room of everything, taking it to the laundromat and getting EVERYTHING cleaned. It was horrendous (you can probably guess what it is.... yeah, that. Gross.). I am suppose to be moving into the room that was affected *shudders*... and will be making sure we have the all clear before I do so.

I'll be decorating my own room finally - with my limited things. I'll also be buying a bed and what not in the next week, which is SO exciting because Sam's bed is terribly hard and I miss my plush bed back home... boohoo. So this week, in the middle of the house-drama epidemic, I went to Urban Outfitters where the store motto is: overpriced-shit-quality-but-you-can't-help-but-want-to-buy-everything-in-sight and found myself a brand new quilt (because I have been using all of Sam's stuff with bedding etc while I've been living in his room). So for a third of the normally overpriced quilts, I picked this up for under $60 and that is one less thing I need to organise, or something like that?

I still need to buy a bed, but for now my fabulous French-inspired quilt is acquainted with Sam's hard bed. We will finally be sorted hopefully by this week, and Sam and I will be living together finally (after months and months and months in the making)! I'm really excited to be living with someone who is as driven and motivated as I am, we are working on a few projects together and will definitely be keeping each other grounded with the work that we are doing. We are already doing that but with the temporary living situation it's been really up and down and all over the place. But I am so excited because I will finally feel some kind of stability!!! YAY FOR THAT!

Being busy at school and working on everything that I could possibly be working on, this whole hurricane crept up very quickly and on Friday night after attending a showcase performance, we hear the Subway was closing at 12noon the next day and that we had to prepare for the worst. I find myself in Wholefoods on 14th St at 10pm on a Friday night, buying as many bottles of water I could carry, fruit, and a few things to tie me over for the weekend. A lot of NYers went all out - buying trolleys FULL of stuff....

Quite interesting to watch the hype for something that was predicted to be a tropical storm when it hit, the media was quite ridiculous and dramatic. I can understand the evacuating, and I saw a few places close to the water get flooded, but this hype that went into this was crazy. You can check out this article about the hype around the hurricane.

It was pretty funny staying inside ALL weekend....

I started getting cabin fever after about 20 hours (so on late Saturday afternoon). I stayed in my room for most of the time and hung out with my housemate who is moving out next week. After a while things started going completely crazy, I was craving garlic bread and we had NO BREAD in the house (tonnes of garlic and butter though!). I ate loads of pineapple, a block of chocolate with a bottle of wine - a palatable combination. I also cut my hair (and straightened it, the straight hair didn't last long though).

I ended up skyping one of my bffs for 4 hours, practicing my American accent for my speech and accent reduction class (of which I received an A+ for in the week for my midterm).

I also skyped my little sister and her puppies, and quoted Team America for hours with my other sister, pretty much harassed any and all of my friends on twitter/skype/facebook/viber/whatsapp, caught up with a lot of friends in London over skype who were checking in on my hurricane status (Team Famous!) I REALLY REALLY miss my London sisters!! I sent emails back to friends in Brisbane and caught up on my multitude of diaries I keep - my feelings book, my day book, my list book, my goals book, MY BLOG.... OCD much? (...UHM YES.) Also spent loads of time just going over my school work and the songs I am currently working on .... which are:

- Don't Tell Mama from Cabaret

- I Got Lost In His Arms from Annie Get Your Gun

- Here I Am from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

- Warm All Over from Most Happy Fella (hello high notes!)

- Worst Pies In London from Sweeney Todd

I am really loving the work at school, it sometimes feels a little disorganised and my workload is insane, but it's good. So not only am I having to learn these songs, but also look beyond the text/subtext, work out the character, do my research on the show, listen to the cast recording, get as much background information as I can. It has been a huge learning curve, also just learning to not beat myself up if I don't sing it "properly". Really changing my way of thinking and my focus. The workshops have been a real eye-opener and are conducted in a completely different manner to back in the Qld Conservatorium days.

It was great to spend so much time inside getting things done and just touching base with a lot of important people! So productive - pat on the back. The next day when I went outside, there were leaves everywhere, and THAT. WAS. IT.

Hurricane Irene was a windy storm and nothing more.... We never lost power, or got the opportunity to light the candles we bought, but it was really good to just spend time inside and not be tempted to go out and do anything.

I called dad while being cooped up during the big fat scary hurricane and I was so glad we spoke. We've been missing each others calls and I just needed to talk to him. He is a wonderful man who keeps me grounded when things are starting to tip. And I feel that when I lose touch with friends, or when people who are normally there, aren't for one reason or another. I can always rely on dad and have honest conversations with him. So it was really good to talk to him, obviously he was checking in to make sure I hadn't been sucked out of my window during the "Hurricane", and we caught up on everything, how I'm feeling about school, what my plans are for next year etc... I miss my family and friends a lot. A LOT. He's given me some good ideas and I am feeling motivated again with everything.

I have been getting homesick lately, and quite easily and wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't made this change and packed up my life.

Having my parents and my sister in town in July added fuel to that fire, and I really don't regret what I am doing at all, but it's just getting used to the change. Both of my sisters have bought dogs, one has her own house, the other just moved in with her boyfriend. My brother and his girlfriend moved in together. It's crazy the changes my family are experiencing and I feel sad that I'm not there in a physical sense to share in all that. But life goes on....

(This is me and baby sis Tooty when she came to visit - Maya, Sam, Toot and I went to Pasticci in the Upper-upper West)

Despite the turbulence in this life I am constantly feeling, I am LOVING this city. It is incredible. The people, the places. Everything. This city has it's own pulse, and it pulses much faster than Brisbane, I don't want to go home, there is so much to experience, the culture is so rich. I am learning loads about this city from my Music Theatre History classes, and I am in love! I<3 NY

Sunset on Thursday night:

SLOT, x

New favorite song

I'M ALIVE - PART 2

2011-08-20T02:10:00.002-04:00

I'M STILL ALIVE. THINGS HAVEN'T SLOWED DOWN. TOTALLY IMMERSED IN SCHOOL WORK WHICH IS AWESOME AND FUN AND FULL ON.

MISSING EVERYONE. MISS MY FRIENDS! AND FAMILY! I NEED TO CALL/SKYPE THEM ALL. SLEEPING A LITTLE BIT BETTER. READING MORE. READING "THE BRAIN THAT CHANGES ITSELF" <- BUY THIS BOOK.

LEARNING RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF NEW MATERIAL. LOVING THE NEW APPROACHES I AM LEARNING TO SONGS AND INTERPRETATION. LOVING MY TEACHERS. LOVING THE THUNDERSTORMS AND THE RAIN. LOVING NYC.

I'm Alive

2011-08-13T12:23:00.003-04:00

THINGS HAVEN'T SLOWED DOWN, I AM SUPER BUSY, SINGING EVERYDAY, DANCING 4 DAYS A WEEK, RIDING MY BIKE 5 DAYS A WEEK(OK MAYBE 4), GETTING FITTER, APPLYING FOR MORE FUNDING, HANGING ON MY ROOFTOP, MEETING NEW PEOPLE, CRYING, HANGING WITH SAM NOW THAT HE IS BACK (YAY), PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION, WRITING A CABARET SHOW, GETTING HYSTERICAL, MORE PROJECTS, BEING HOMESICK, HAVING TWITTER FRIENDS SEND ME MILO FROM BACK HOME, SKYPE-ING AND VIBER-ING AND WHATSAPP-ING MY CIRCLE (I HEART YOU GUYS x), KEEPING BUSY AND IMPORTANT, PUTTING IN BIG DAYS AT SCHOOL, BEING FABULOUS, PLAYING MY FABULOUS KEYBOARD, WRITING SONGS, LEARNING NEW MATERIAL EACH WEEK, TRYING TO STAY SANE, TRYING TO SLEEP, NOT REALLY SLEEPING, READING THAT BRAIN BOOK, PRACTICING MUSIC THEORY ETC ETC ETC ETC

ETC ETC ETC

PEOW PEOW PEOW !!!!!!

I'M STILL HERE

Update.... Things are really busy

2011-07-27T11:57:00.007-04:00

Thank you dad for the presents! :) Only a dadda would buy his diva daughter a star to stick on her door and the book "Wicked" was based on! While they were here, we ate NY pizza (mum and I both had 2 slices!! Uhhmmaaamaaaa!!) and we went to Ellie's Stardust Diner where absolutely ALL the wait staff sing! It was such an experience! AND We went to see The Jersey Boys. Was just beautiful, even dad liked it!

So my parents have left and I miss them so much already, it was so good to have them here and I was really sad I couldn't show them EVERYTHING I wanted to show them in NYC. BUT, they will be back! They just loved it! AND my darling sissy Tooty, will be here next week for a few days on her way from a work think in Las Vegas!

School is going really well, I am learning SO much, and it's really great being able to apply what I have learnt already to the content in these courses. I am struggling with a couple of things, just with my voice, trying to get it to a point so I don't have to think about what I'm doing so I can just focus on the acting side of things.... BUT I am just loving my song interpretation class and my music theatre history class, OH AND my dance classes! Really digging it! My body has changed so much since I have started (especially from the ballet classes, thanks to Lena for pushing me - what a wonderful teacher!) and also because I am riding my sweet ride - the cruiser bike, every day to and from school. So i've been cycling about 23km a day, 5 days a week (although while mum and dad were here I didn't do ANYTHING except dance). But still, I am getting so goddman fit, i'm quite chuffed with myself! So it's all coming together.

I've also set myself some fitness goals for the next few months and plan to cycle at least 100km a week. Yesterday I went into the bike shop where I got my bike from (I really need to give my bike a name? Should I just call it The Cruiser?) and the guys who sold me the bike recognised me and across the store he yells at me "OH MY GAAAAD MAMI! YOU LOSSOME WAAAAYT??? LOOK AT YAH BAAAWDY!" So funny, he also invited me in a ride which is about 100km in the next few weeks so if I have the time in amongst everything else, i'll be taking my cruiser for a good run!

At the end of last week I had a little bit of a mental breakdown and over the weekend just trying to sort things out in my head and clarify exactly what i'm struggling with. So it was time to catch up with some of my girlfriends here - the darling Maya Catherine suggesting a lovely place to do brunch - Yura on the upper east side - such wonderful food (and the place doubles as a bakery... holy shit someone hold me back!! I ended up buying a slice of this apple cake to take home! SO delish!) I'm so lucky to have friends here who are local and just my kind of people. <3

And also to get my nerves and whatever else in order, I went and got my nails done. It's just so cheap over here so friday afternoon after struggling in one of my classes I just treated myself to some gothic nails :) I just get so frustrated with myself so i'm really starting to work through that while studying so I can not get so upset about things all the time.

I chatted with some friends over the weekend (thank you my circle, I love you.) just to sort out what was going on and to get some perspective. And just to feel home. I do get small bouts of homesickness, but it's more that I want my friends and family here with me, rather than actually wanting to be back in Brisbane (and my old life in Brisbane....) so thank you to my friends who are there to put up with me, my life has changed so dramatically in the last 6 months or so, it's turbulant, and emotionally draining and I really appreciate my friends who have stuck by me despite my intensity and sometimes hysteria. You know you who you all are and you mean so much to me.

So as a bit of fun over the weekend I also gave myself a pep-talk... I LOVE knockknock.com ..... They have such cool stuff!!

AND to also feel a bit more in control about things, I went to this music shop on 43rd and Bway and bought a cheap keyboard, but it's excellent and exactly what I need so it's just great!

Overall, I feel like things are going full speed ahead and I just need to stay on track with things. I am already into the 3rd week of our course and am making some darling friends and really starting to think seriously about what I want out of this. After a few chats with some of my teachers here, I am going to over the next few weeks really re establish a lot of my goals because now I am here and studying they have so much more meaning than what they did back in London.

Anyway, gotta run, (in between classes but this always seems like a good time to blog)

SLOT - tx

PS I went to a friends wedding last week in Central Park, it was fucking amazing!!!!!! Was trying to include some photos from that but blogger is being a bitch! Anyway, wedding was so beautiful, I love small weddings, this was just perfect. I also met some really wonderful people! It was a really touching wedding! Congratulations to my darling Maja and Gary!!! xxxx

Things Are Good

2011-07-19T22:44:00.000-04:00

My inspirational quote of the week, I love this quote.

SO, things are good. And I say that with doubt and excitement all at the same time...

Things are going SO good in some areas and maybe NOT so good in others, but it's still going GOOD.

I think the most overwhelming thing is school, there is so much I don't know! But having said that, I am learning really quickly after a rough first week and really starting to settle and enjoy it. It's quite a deep end i'm hanging around at the moment, but i'm sure as I get familiar with everything, it won't feel so much like I am treading water.

Every night after school (bar last friday night because goddammit it, I needed to cut loose for a second) I have been going straight home to read and study and revise everything we did during the day - whether it is revising songs to learn, reading over my notes and researching what I didn't know about in classes, listening to what I recorded in class, watching movie musicals and anything I can find on youtube..... There is so much to know, it is really exciting!

See exhibit A: Current workspace revolving on and around the bad, there is room for my ass. That's about it.

I have had to really knuckle down to learn songs, I am getting back into sightreading (these skills clearly hadn't been tested for quite some time....), reading music, and just listening and analyising new material.

Last weeks assignment was to sing the song "My Funny Valentine" as a musical number, but adding a story behind it to give the character some motive or goal for the scene.... This was my toughest assignment yet.

All this acting and interpreting stuff is so new to me in a way, and yet so ingrained into my psyche - it's a weird feeling like I know it subconsciously and instinctively but now i'm trying to learn it consciously.... I find I am thinking back to when I was singing in the covers band and how I would just interpret songs as I sung them, or for my last recital, how I interpreted "Still Hurting" in an intuitive way and when I performed, I felt it was quite powerful and I lived in the moment. "In the moment" is something i'm hearing a lot of too. Hello my new friend Meiser (this will be a post for later).

I have deliberately ignored theatre and acting since highschool and am slowly feeling my way back into something that is youthfully familiar. It's like i'm starting to be really open to things again, and I know I hold a lot in which makes for magnificent anxiety... this is quite the opposite.

I am loving all my classes, but to break it down - DANCE: amazing, I feel like I could twirl in circles all day, I am in both beginner classes for Jazz and Ballet and my class is wonderful, I love them!

SINGING: Again, so much fun, my voice teacher is great, has reaffirmed a few things and I'm so glad I have someone else to bounce off. Our group voice class is really good too, we are singing by ourselves in front of people quite a lot *SCARY* but deep breathes and everyone is so supportive it's wonderful.

ACTING: This is hard. I'm not going to lie, having to analyse everything you are doing and to have it broken down is quite hard to take all in but it is great. I just find it a bit difficult (which is why i'm here, which is why i'm here, which is why i'm here and repeat....)

Also loving our music theory classes, so much knowledge and so many stories but it's great!

After my first crazy first week last week - I went to Bryant Park and drank a bottle of red wine with some darling friends I have made at the Neighborhood Playhouse Theatre, they listened to me vent at how "in over my head" I felt - they are just wonderful friends to me and shout out to my Brisbane girl Maja Osterman (who will soon be a famous Australia actress I'm sure) who introduced me to this circle of wonderful actors. They were so welcoming and have taken me in as one of their own, will be friends with this group for life - Love them!

Speaking of friends, my Melbourne sister-from-another-mister Genevieve and I hung out over the weekened - we basically are in the same boat with being so overwhelmed but it's great! She reminds me a lot of my sisters and I kinda feel like an older - I hate that word BTW - but an older version of her, with her mannerisms, curly hair, intensity and character - I feel like i'm watching a younger version of myself. It's spins me out everytime I keep realising we have yet another thing in common (Eldest child of 4 kids under 5 years, plays piano, loves musicals, same television, our closest hiphop rnb obsessions....) It's so good to have her here!

In other wonderful news, my parents are in town!! (will be posting more photos of our adventures soon!) They are really loving New York, my dad couldn't believe he would ever come here and he loves it. Last night I took them out for an American experience and we ate BBQ ribs at this really Southern American Restaurant. Mum and dad are overwhelmed with the portions sizes of food, and how intense America is but I know they are really enjoying themselves. After dinner last night, mum said I should get my portrait done by one of the street portrait-vender guys.... What do you think.

So I must get back to class, but yeah, things are good, just overwhelming and exciting and interesting and fabulous all at once! I love it! I love New York!

SLOT- tx

PS this was my fabulous outfit I wore to see Wicked on Sunday - yeah love it! Love my pretty dresses (we can't wear our pretty dances to class because of singing/acting/dance lessons - you have to wear stuff thats easy to move around in..... *sad face*)

School Week 1

2011-07-17T21:07:00.003-04:00

So I have finally (after being awarded a scholarship last year in September!!) started school at NYFA doing the 2 year course in Music Theatre and Film!

Things have been totally wonderful and completely overwhelming, and everything is going to BE OK! I am doing about 9 different subjects which include Ballet and Jazz dance (both twice a week!), two different voice classes, one group and one 1-1 training, song interpretation, improvisation, acting technique, music theatre history, a showcase class and a performance lab class. It's really really really full on.

So pressure is now back on which I secretly like, I like keeping busy, it makes me feel somewhat important, like "Oh no, I really don't have time because you know what? I have to go home and try and watch as many musicals as I can to get up to speed, I'm just so BUSY AND IMPORTANT!"

But on the other hand, it's like i've just come to realise how much I don't know. Which is a lot. So before I was in Tam-land where I knew that I didn't know everything about musical theatre and that I would somehow just soak it all up, but i'm in quite deep here. There is SO MUCH TO KNOW!

I have watched 3 musicals in just this weekend alone. My friend came over and we watched "Legally Blonde", I've watched West Side Story, and today I went to finally see Wicked (yes. finally, ok.)

I've also been reading a lot and researching the stuff we have been over in class. We're being given songs to learn as well as having to find our own to perform in certain classes! So it's really hands on, but it's getting there.

After this first week I was so overwhelmed but i've taken the time to recover (and reflect) on everything and to just work out a plan on structuring my week so I can get the most out of this course. Here's hoping my fabulous organisation skills are being put to good use!

Fingers crossed for this week!

songwriting

2011-07-16T12:02:00.002-04:00

I miss you my old friend

It's been a long time

and life's gone so quickly

I've been gone a long while

Do you ever think of

the moments we had

those days were so magic

now the nights are so sad

And do you remember?

The way that i'd stand

closer to you so

you could take my hand

And we'd dance round in circles

with light in our eyes

and fall on the cold grass

and watch stars in the sky

I'd tell you my secrets

and you'd listen and say

"I'll never tell no one -

your secrets are safe"

And I'd curl up beside you

and into your arms

for you were my protection

you'd keep me from harm

So now things are different

they don't feel the same

maybe I've lost you

maybe things change

But I'm so glad I saw you

maybe I'll see you again

I hope it's not like this

I hope it's not strange

So goodbye my old friend

I want you to know

I'll think of you often

where ever I go

Back Then At Bikram

2011-07-10T09:56:00.000-04:00

So every now and again I go back through my blog and just read from younger tam's perspective, and the other day I found the post I had written on my first session of Bikram Yoga.

I had to laugh because I remember the class I described quite clearly and my favorite part, at the end, where I broke down after an hour and a half of this grueling class, in savasnah, sweating like a pig, stinging my eyes with tears streaming down my face -

"I always start thinking about my life, and where it's going, and where it's not going, and where I want to be, and how i'm going to get there, and how depressing it is living so far away from civilisation, and how my life would be better if I won the lotto - like no kidding right? And how I have a mortgage and repayments are depressing, and I teach 50 singers a week and how the hell do I find time for myself and where is my love? Is he out there? And why the hell aren't I overseas? and this... and that... etc etc etc It could go on...."

I giggled at this. I found it funny because I remembered the moment perfectly, and I remember many other moments like this where I struggle to find some fucking clarity in my life, only to wake up the next day and get to working on making it better. I know I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself - and sometimes it's unhealthy, but other times it's healthy and I work at a steady pace towards my goals - mental breakdown free.

Although I am still prone from time to time to break into bouts of hysteria, due to self-induced pressure, I am dealing with it, and my anxiety and trying to keep a level head. I owe a lot of that to certain friends and family who are keeping me grounded and giving me so much love and support in my latest challenge.

I am so lucky and so grateful to have the network of people in my life that I have. My family and friends (the circle) I thank you, I would never have thought, crying my eyes out and mentally breaking down in bikram yoga 14 months ago that I would be where I am right now - in New York City on scholarship studying Musical Theatre and Film. Thank you, I am so grateful for this opportunity, and for the support and love you've shown. <3

First day of school tomorrow so must get some sleep! And I promise to write more!

4 Weeks In

2011-07-07T23:56:00.000-04:00

I am still madly in love with this city and for the first time in a long time, I really feel like I am in the right place. I have had my lulls over this last fortnight but there is just something about this place that is so wonderfully magic and sincere and just right. Like it feels right, I can't explain it any more than that.

These last few weeks have been really good, I find I am still settling and still finding my way around but it's been great. Last friday night I had a dinner party at my place where we all cooked (I made Pavlova for my American amigos - which they loved!)!

So other things i've been doing:

- I joined some new friends at Bryant Park for a screening of "The 39 Steps" film by Alfred Hitchcock, joined a gym (yay, be gone fat bum!), saw another fantastic play called "Freud's Last Session" about C.S Lewis and Freud meeting shortly before Freuds death - amazing acting!

Also saw a matinee performance of "How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying". Really cool! John Laroquette was hysterical! I love him!

- I also decided to take advantage of our rooftop by holding a party for a fabulous group of friends who are studying theatre! Drinks and guitar and songs while watching the sun go down over Harlem, it was wonderful!

- One of my old colleagues was in town so we did things like going to BALTHAZARS! Amazing and rich place to eat - I will need to find a boyfriend in finance who can take me to fancy places like this... haha

We also went on one of those horse and carriage things around central park! So plush!

- ALSO! My good friend Maja is in town studying a short acting course and we've done a lot together! We went to Serendipity and tried their world famous frozen chocolate!

She had also organised to attend a screening of CBS morning show - so at 630am we made our way to their studios... only to be told where to stand to make the presenters look fabulous - it was hilarious and we ended up getting a tour of CBS studios at the end which made it all worthwhile!

Afterwards we went to check out FAO Schwartz where I played on their giant piano!

- I have touched based with a few organisations that have helped me with finance, especially the Dame Joan Sutherland Fund run by the American Australian Association and was fortunate to be invited to an event that was held on this boat that sailed around the Hudson! (The boat was called "Queen Of Hearts" LOVE IT!) I took a friend who I have met at school, she is my twin, we just have so much in common! So good to have her along! We met a lot of people and socialised and drank wine and DANCED on this killer dance floor that was playing MJ songs.. Amazing! Such a great night!

SO now the biggest highlight of being here was starting school on Wednesday! FINALLY! It was great, I met some wonderful people, it was all stations are go. After the first day of orientation, I had to have 2 contrasting songs ready to perform the next day for the director of our course. AND get our headshots done. It's just crazy! The pressure of singing in an "audition" environment just keeps me running permanently running on adrenaline.

I sang "A Diva's Lament" from Spamalot (so funny!) and I also sang "See I'm Smiling" from The Last Five Years. It was for our director to gauge where we are at and what singing teacher to put us with etc.. SO class officially kicks off on Monday and will be pretty much be like a full time job and then some. Some days are full - 9am-6pm or 7pm, plus the extra reading and research we need to be doing! I am so excited to finally be studying something I absolutely LOVE. I can't wait to learn more and sing and dance EVERYDAY!

YAY!

Will try and write more, I know I've been so slack on my poor blog!

PS~!!!!!!!

I BOUGHT A BIKE !!! ISN'T IT PIMPING!?

New York New York - Whats yo dream?!

2011-06-13T20:46:00.010-04:00

I have been swept off my feet by the whirlwind of magic that is New York City - so bear with me while I download my first 2 weeks of this madness!!! (sorry for not writing sooner!!)

I have been exploring everywhere I go buuuut have been mainly hanging on the upper west (and the upper-upper west that is Harlem where I am currently living).

HARLEM

"Change Requires Courage"

Living in Harlem is interesting, the culture is great, lots of kids in our neighborhood and the history of this area is worth reading about. You hear a lot more spanish here too, which is tempting me to really consider taking up Spanish while I am here... Sorry French, but no one here speaks it... so sad.

So here's a photo taken from my window (I actually hung out the window to take it because it was so pretty!) Sunset from 146th

I am also about 3 blocks away from the water, so pretty along there, been dragging my ass out there to run....

SOCIAL LIFE

I am enjoying every moment, meeting people, and finding nice places to hang out etc because as soon as school starts in 2 weeks I am not going to have a social life. Period.

My friend Sam was here for 2 days, long enough for us to trade rooms, make introductions and give me a quick run down before he headed back to Australia for two months - leaving this little bird to find her way around the nest, find the run of the mill and try to settle in.

Lucky for me, Sam had introduced me to loads of his friends who have warmly taken me in as one of their own, showing me around, giving me the lowdown on tips, general America, shopping, THRIFT shopping, the cool places to hang and also getting around on the subway which is actually quite easy.

I am also very lucky to have had a lot of friends who just happen to be in New York since I've been here so it was great to see one of my high-school friends and her family, do some shopping! We also went for breakfast at Cafe Lalo where I ordered what seemed like a nice little breakfast waffles and strawberries - of course I was shocked when it came out and cream was piled as high as the ceiling*

*Not actually piled as high as the ceiling

Holly, her sister Kate and I also did a day trip out this this designer brand outlet place - think DFO but loads better and loads of designer brands, an hour out of NYC called Woodbury Common Premium Outlet. Was a great day!

I also met an old friend/student out here who is doing a short acting course, we ended up catching up several times (and still plenty more as she is getting married over here in Central Park!). We saw Bengal Tiger at the Bagdad Zoo - a play on Broadway with Robin Williams - amazing! Also saw a play called "Vincent 1979" and had dinner at this bar that served giant nachos....

I also watched a live broadcast of the Tony Awards from Times Square, was such a buzz - this is a photo from the Beacon theatre where it was, during the day.

And these are in Times Square

Times Square is nothing short of amazing, there is just so much energy and it's SO busy...

I also witnessed my first NY storm out here..

About 2 minutes after this photo was taken, I was dripping wet - something about the way the buildings are that wind just takes rain and basically hits you in the face!

I have been fortunate enough to be in the company of people who love op-shops or as they call it here: "Thrift" shops - not nearly as offensive as the English, "Charity" shops. So on one stinking hot wet day in New York, my new friend Maya Catherine took me to Beacon's Closet for a rummage in an entire warehouse of secondhand clothing. It was a dream come true - not to mention getting to hang out in Brooklyn for the day, Brooklyn is totally neat and reminds me of Melbourne but a lot less touched - if that makes any sense...

"Rockapulco" (Rockaway Beach)

My dearest new housie Jill, and I have taken to regularly beaching it when we can, just to get a little bit of color (and wash away my pasty London skin with salt water and sun), the beach is gorgeous, it's just so nice to go there! I didn't realise how much I missed it while I was in London! We have adopted "Rockapulco" as our turf, taking the A train (there's a song in that) all the way to the end of the line to chill out and get our beach on.

Sunny days
My totally fabulous beach wear
Gorgeous!
First beach day - needing cawfee before we hit the road

The end of our latest beach day, sporting salt curls and some kind of color.

Living Space

I appreciate GREAT living space. I had lived by myself in my own house Aunty Joyce for over a year before I went overseas and I didn't have the greatest of living experiences while I was there. I have had time to really make this room in NY (despite it's temporary existence) my own.

No more keeping everything hidden and in travel bags, I can finally unpack, and somewhat settle while I am here. It's like exhaling, it just feels good.

So i've spent a bit of time, organising things, buying a shoe rack (because I can own more that 2 pairs of shoes now that i'm not in temporary mind-set, a book case (I heart you books!) and a few trendy boxes to keep my stash of leggings and tights somewhere! I definitely don't have the biggest room in NYC but the place I live in is great, modern appliances, nice living space, aircon (OMG) my housie and I are bff's, she's a Cali girl - loveit! It's just nice to be able to unpack and for once not be conscious about my stuff, yes I have a lot of stuff. Get over it. I am also unashamedly proud of my new ideas board, keeps me on top of things!

MUSIC

So I can't get all the way through this blog without talking about music - god no!

After a few days in NY I checked in at NYFA - got to meet my admissions councillor and the owner of the school, his assistant, the director of the course AND their girl who runs all their media - who decided to do a write up on the fundraiser we had last year! It was so nice of them! I am very fortunate to have these opportunities - You can read the article HERE

I was also lucky enough to attend a Jazz Voice workshop with Kurt Elling who I met afterwards, was really great to get back into that voice/pedagogy mindset again, and hear some insightful words about music and Jazz from Mr Elling himself.

ALSO! Forgot to mention, housie Jill and I went to see Robyn play LIVE at a H&M store - was so much fun!

This is Robyn if you don't know her - a totally cool Swedish pop artist who has been around for years! Loveit!

Baseball

I have never been a huge fan of sports, but I do make exceptions every now and again, and so being a newly pledged New Yorker, I am forced to chose a side. A baseball side. The Yankees or The Mets... Now according to my dear friend Tim, Mets are the underdogs and so the line has been drawn and I am now on the side of The Mets - this makes for great conversations with, well, no-one really, I am yet to see a game, I don't own a jersey or whatever they call them, I guess we'll see how this new sport thing goes.

OTHER STUFF

Fahrenheit Vrs Celsius - Ugh - Do we HAVE to? I am refusing to convert to Fahrenheit. Flat out. NO.

D.O.B mm/dd/yyyy instead of dd/mm/yyyy <-- NO - Let's keep this logical shall we America?

SO I made it here - finally! I am really excited to be here and I can't wait to start school at NYFA. It's going to be a blast! I've been slowly but surely getting back into a routine of practice, reading, running etc... so it's coming together - my life always feels like it's coming together. I wonder when it will actually be together.... We'll see

Sweden -> The day/night Stockholme Trip

2011-06-05T18:41:00.001-04:00

Once again, I find myself posting ridiculous amounts of photos, but justifiably - I am traveling AND there are just so many beautiful things to see in Sweden!!

Here are some pics from the last 24 hours which included a trip to Stockholm, leaving in the afternoon to hunt around, have some dinner and drinks then head home. Only thing was, to get home it was a complete mission.... As you can see by the photos, many after the Stockholm fun were taken at bus stops, on busses that turned a 30 minute journey into 1 hour and 45 minutes (WTF Swedish bus man) and the last few were at about 530am when we were finally on the home stretch!

"The Greatest Love Of All"

Tanning, coffee, blogging, relaxing....

My two Swedish lovebirds

Stockholm Metro

Rocking the streets of Stockholm

The architecture....

Lisa and I

Hej Uppsala!

2011-06-04T06:19:00.006-04:00

So my dear Swedish tour guide took me around Uppsala yesterday, showing me the sights and giving me a little bit of history on the city. SUCH a beautiful day, it was so hot, reminded me of Australia without the sticky humidity, it was just gorgeous.

We wandered around, took some photos, ate a shrimp sandwich for breakfast, I tried again to language with the locals... I'm really loving it. I can read a lot of the signage and understand it, and some bits of the speaking - the words are a lot harder than English! Wish I did more language at school.... sigh.

So here are a load of photos...

The Castle in Uppsala

HALP! Polis!
The biggest church in Northern Europe...

More Castle

Bell!

More of the castle (it was too huge to get in one shot).

At the top of the hill where the castle is, notice the cannons are facing the church....

Pretty day!

Gardens (although not completely in bloom, I've been told it will become more colourful as the summer goes on)

More of the Castle....

One of the National houses of the university.

Pretty

Hardly any clouds

Shrimp sandwich! Such amazing food! This was breakfast, and it tasted amazing, we had them on the boat the day before too, I am addicted to prawns!

Out the front of the church

This pretty building, very French influenced, just beautiful!

Also... I have 2 more sleeps till NY which has crept up on me quite quickly. I spoke with my buddy Sam last night, just briefly, things are all organised for me to get there and catch up. I can't wait to get into the zone again of studying and learning and practicing, and music. But the holiday has been a nice reminder to relax and just take it easy once in a while. No pressure, no mental breakdowns. I can laugh about them now at least...

Today we are going to Stockholm, one of my friends tells me it's even more beautiful than Paris... we will see

Åland - Over To Finland

2011-06-02T18:41:00.007-04:00

Today my dearest Swedish peeps and I traveled over to this island called Åland (pronounced Orlund?) and spent the day relaxing in the sunshine. It was so lovely to relax for a change and for once I didn't think about my career or where my life was going, it was just so relaxing.

We were us early to catch the bus that never came and ended up taking a cab across town to ANOTHER bus that would take us for an hour or so to the coastline of Sweden where we boarded this massive boat!

Had a breakfast that consisted of an alcoholic coffee - would the Nords have it any other way? THEY SAY NEJ! THEN we drank cider, well I drank cider, my Swedish darlings drank beer.

So we got to the island and did a little exploring, found some rocks that were spread out in the bay and played in the sun. It was windy but the sun was so warm! I practiced my little bits of Swedish that I'm picking up and just relaxed. It was really lovely to hang out and just sit by the water, I definitely missed nature while living in stony grey London.

I have loads and loads and loads from all our cameras, so here are a few from today! I think the photos really capture how much fun we had.

PS - all the food we ate was absolutely incredible - especially the buffet on the boat! So fresh and just really really tasty. I could definitely live here, judging only by the food.... but Ja! I could!

OMG I LOVE SWEDEN

2011-06-01T06:54:00.005-04:00

Before - Lining up to check in with ALL my stuff (and the heaviest bag on my back!)

After - arrived to Sweden with ALL my stuff!

Stepping off my flight from London, I walked into what looked like an Ikea set but as actually the Arlanda Airport near Stockholme Sweden. I sorted out my baggage, and walked all the way to the train station to get a train to Uppsala where Lisa met me!
I LOVE THIS PLACE!Such a beautiful country, the people are just lovely!
Things to know about Sweden- Most Swedish people speak English- Everyone rides bikes everywhere- Everyone is beautiful, no joke!
Ok so some generalising there but seriously this place is so lovely and what a change from London! Really not missing that place at all.
SO last night after arriving, my dear Swedish cousin/sister who I often joke with that our great-grandfathers we viking cousins or something - she made some seriously dangerous cocktails AND cooked us a beautiful dinner!

THEN after hanging with her friends we went to this local bar where you needed to be a student to get in - thank god for Lisa's photoshop skills, bless her heart! She made me a totally believable student ID for me to get in and hang out with all the other fabulous Swedish students!

We kept drinking, losing track of time but was such a fun night, I vaguely remember being doubled home on a bike which would make for a great story if I could actually remember it! I don't think I have done that since I was 15! Hilarious!
So today was spent recovering, tomorrow we are off to a Finnish Island! Very excited!
There is so much more to say about how i am feeling about things, how I feel about leaving London, and how I feel about moving to NY. There's a lot going on, will try and write tomorrow but general consensus is that things are great. I feel like I am on the right path.
Write again soon
tx

One More Sleep To Go

2011-05-30T16:56:00.005-04:00

The bags (yes one bag - and the guitar case) are all packed and ready to go. I leave London tomorrow, really looking forward to a change in the scenery - friends have told me Stockholm is just beautiful! So excited to see my darling Swedish friends! We have a good week planned and might even just "pop over" to some Finnish Islands - as you do when all you have is a bag of your stuff on your back and a guitar - such a vagabond I LOVE IT!

So I spent my last day in London getting last minute things done and later on I met up with a few friends at this bar called "The Cat & Mutton" for a very late lunch and a couple of drinks (Pimms and fruit of course - just like the English do). It was quite a beautiful and sunny day, reminded me very much of Melbourne weather actually because after lunch, the sky turned a nasty grey and we got rained on all the way home.

I'd been staying with my friend Lesley and had dragged her along despite her lingering flu-like symptoms, some nice drinks and food! Loved it!

Pimms! and fruit!

Tys and Hannah - looking fabulous as always

LUNCH

Gotta love Crabbies Ginger Beer - my favorite drink of London, I wonder if they have it in America.... Not that I need an alcohol addiction.

So, some pre-travel nerves, especially when I think about going onto NY. Just about the new lifestyle, to really take on this massive city - I think I failed that in London. We were talking about it today, my friend Lesley and I. We both ended up in this black hole of London, getting sucked into it, rather than controlling our own destiny.... Or something like that. You know what I mean right?

So NY better watch out. I mean that in a totally not-threatening way - NY and I will be BFF's for life - I really can't wait to get there.

But for now, next stop Uppsala, Sweden so I must rest,

Goodnight

Byebye Drinkies

2011-05-29T20:47:00.002-04:00

Sooo we went out for a few "quiet" drinks the other night to celebrate my up and coming departure from the land of London. Found this cute little bar to celebrate at, called The Alice House in West Hampstead - what a trip! We got hooked on these teapot drinks - the vodka ones that tasted like summer and the rum and apricot ones that tasted like carnivals. AH-maaaazing! Such a hilarious night, and was really lovely to catch up with these new friends before I go - will miss them!

Friends!!!

In Tam-land... Having an Alice moment....

Seriously... A party of mine wouldn't be complete without me trying to make some sort of speech.....

Smile! Or laugh hysterically!

I took this photo of Steffi when she was adjusting my (ahem) safety pin...

I don't know how many teapots we were up to. But it was a lot.

THE PANTSUIT IN QUESTION... (£8 plus the gold broach, from All Abroad in West Hampstead)

German sister/cousin Steffi and I :)

The fellas

The teapots in question....

And finally.... my "So hungover" shot... We walked (read: stumbled) to Hampstead the next day, I was clutching my bottle of water the whole way until we found ourselves at a nice little cafe where (at 3pm) I consumed a FULL english breakfast that was at least the size of a baby. Plus an early grey tea. (do you like my £4.50 Jacket from the opshop?)

Also! Sad week for music...

One of my favorite bands has announced their "indefinite hibernation"... was kind of expecting it anyway...

I have many a Silverchair albums that have soundtracked my life to date, so quite sad from the news.... Had this song on repeat all week... RIP Silverchair

5-4-3-2....

2011-05-26T18:01:00.008-04:00

I am leaving London in 5 sleeps!

EEEEEEEK!

I am getting my pre-travel nerves again, not really sleeping - waking up at least an hour before my alarm each day, vivid and really strange dreams - the list could go on. I have my last day at work tomorrow at my favorite school with all my *favorite* children (*note sarcasm). I have really enjoyed my time there, the people I work with are fabulous. Just really lovely people.

There are a few funny kids I will miss, but mostly I am just excited to finally be on the right path and doing the things that I want to be doing. I have been in touch with my admissions counselor and a few other people at NYFA and it's just all coming into place.
I have been spending my last few days at work, enjoying morning breakfasts with my German cousin (read: not really my cousin). Going to catch up with some friends over the weekend then i'm off!

Also just getting into a good frame of mind with things, I don't know, it's just this pre-travel anxiety thing. I really don't know what the next 6 months will bring. And i'm not going to try and guess either.

That didn't really work for London....

Clean Out & Cull

2011-05-24T19:29:00.003-04:00

OH YES!

This is where the fun starts!

I have given these two bags to charity PLUS a whole bunch of clothes have been given to friends, and I have another bag to go the the "Charity shop" (we call them opshops in Australia but the English prefer the word "charity" over opportunity - I think it has to do with the horrendous class system over here).

I am somewhat getting organised and packed - there is still stuff kind of everywhere but a lot less - go me! I am so proud of my culling efforts. I get so attached to clothes, especially if they have meaning. Like the $2 knitted woolen beanie (seen here) that I bought with Tash (matching ones) at the Just Jeans outlet in like 2004(!), or the grey cotton hoodie my dearest older cousin Heidi gave me literally years and years ago, or the $10 hoodie I bought with Kirst... I just get so attached to my clothes, I can't help it.

After almost 5 years together, I finally threw out my green converse. That was tough, I didn't even look when I threw them in bag, for fear that they would start cry out at me, and say that it wasn't over just yet... *sighs* Those converse saw me through many a music festival, long walks home from a big night out, and general rebellious activities. So sad.

BUT!

The show must go on! And in my culling rage, as I marched into that All Abroad shop in West Hampstead along West End Lane to give them my bags of goodness, I stopped, and fell in love.... with about 4 pieces of clothing from this fabulous little "Charity" shop.

Definitely "Autumn in New York" Don't you think?

This just shouts "I am 80's, hear my shoulder pads roar!"

I think this one shouts a similar tune - maybe mashed in there with a bit of that song "Fame!" or something like that....

And last but not least, I can't go past a cute granny dress. Just can't do it, this was a perfect fit, just such a lovely pattern!

They are all just so cute aren't they?

YES?

So technically, I culled about 1.5 bags full and my trade off was a few sweet and charming pieces to take to NYC. I did feel super guilty about actually coming home with clothes, so when I got home, I was completely ruthless and put another bag of unwanted clothes together.

Go team!

See (mum), I can manage this whole culling thing?

Not Long To Go

2011-05-21T11:53:00.001-04:00

I was hanging out in the post office posting stuff - as you do - AND I came across some childhood nostalgia in the form of .... CHUPA CHUPS!

My friend Holly and I used to bet with chupa chups when we were kids - they were our currency. I can't remember what we used to make bets about, boys? The Rollerdrome where we worked? I seriously can't remember what, although I will be discussing this with my old friend when we catch up in New York.

I am so lucky that a lot of my fabulous friends will be popping in and around New York during the first few months of my arrival (including my parents!!). It will be nice to just have some familiarity in the hustle and bustle of the worlds biggest city, and especially at the start of this course and my new life in NYC. EEEEEEEEEEP! It's finally starting to really kick in.

I feel like the pressure is on, but I am quite relaxed about it all, I think that is due to being so organised with everything. I have a few things to do before I leave but it's feeling quite easy to get organised for this next chapter in the life of tam.

The getting the visa, the booking flights, finalising everything, giving notice at work, counting down, organising my going away party (because that is most important) trying to see everyone before I go! It's a whirlwind! I mean, when in my life isn't it a whirlwind?

Looking forward to everything ahead of me. It is finally coming together.

Counting Down

2011-05-18T20:47:00.003-04:00

Ok team-TAM flights are booked and I am leaving London in 13 sleeps!!!

Flying to Sweden and staying with my Scandi-Viking Cousin-Sister Lisa who will show me around Uppsala and Stockholm, THEN flying from Sweden to NEW YORK CITY!!

My passport with my USA visa arrived today so I am finally able to get organised with everything.... It's so exciting for me. I auditioned for this degree 10 months ago and it's finally all happening.

Accommodation for NY is sorted somewhat, and I have a darling friend there who will be showing this newbie around. I still have to finalise a few other things, but it's all planned! YAY! I have 6 days left of work, and then my going away party will be sometime next week! GO TEAM TAM GO!

So just a quick update! But YEAH it's all happening!!

Garden Party 2 - Team Famous

2011-05-18T10:05:00.013-04:00

I was going to put these pics in the last blog BUUUUUT I just feel that this deserves it's own posting with everything going on in crazy-Tam life!

SO once again, it was time for the Scandi sister, German cousin and I to have our lovely little garden party cook up - I was on the main dish this time and decided to do lamb roast with mash potato, broccoli and cheese sauce.

Lisa was on the entrees and cooked scallops in garlic butter, salt and pepper - so delish! I've never eaten scallops before but there were delicious!!

I also took the liberty upon myself to be drinks master for the night as my sangria last time was a hit - PLUS my fabulous housemate had donated a bottle of vodka to the poor Tam fund so why not share, yah?

This is my "Lychee Spectacular", although I felt like the foreign out of the 3 of us because I don't pronounce "lychee" properly, according to my darling cousins of afar, I am suppose to pronounce it "Lit-chee". But no matter the pronunciation, this jug of beauty and colour tasted amazing.

Ingredients:

- 2 tins of litchees

- tin of pears

- pear juice

- bottle of vodka (or wodka as the foreigners say it)

- soda

- and the secret ingredient is mint - really brings the lychee and pear flavours together, and gave it a fresh taste so you didn't really feel the effects this sneaky drink was having on you at the time, eg, below.

I haven't cooked a roast the whole time i've been in London so it was something that HAD to be done before I leave. We decorated the lovely lambs leg with salt & pepper, fresh rosemary, whole garlic, an onion cut in half and shoved inside it, a bit of thyme and oregano and voila I served up the most delicious food I have had in a long time, I would put lamb up there as my favorite meat (along with reindeer).

The girls in the kitchen as everything is a-boiling!

Do the mash, the monster mash.

Me trying to get a grip in the kitchen - by the time I started cooking, i'd already had a few drinks and proceeded to just get ever more sloppy as my cooking went on - lucky my Scandi sister was there to step in - bless!

Dinner is served!

Lisa couldn't wait to dig in and Stephi just wanted to look fabulous in the photo :)

And now time for some serious camera whore-ing!

Below I am getting "Moosed"... it's a Scandinavian thing.....

The CUTEST little Russian Cheesecakes! Stephi made these!!

And of course, at the end of the night, Lisa decides to cut loose and just sing her heart out - and teach me a lesson or two in singing ;) - AND Steph is so bored she just needs a nap.

It was a wunderbar evening for us girls, and with Scandi cousin viking sister going back to Sweden for the summer and me going to New York (and poor Stephi staying in Londrooone) we have to make the most of our time left!

Also I just have to post this!

At another dinner party we had over the weekend where Stephi the great cooked us lasagna and I made "Peanut Butter Pie" (It was seriously amazing.) Our other Scandi-Viking cousin sister Malin and I got out dance on as I was reminded of a dance from my going away party - It's called "The Snow Dance" and Malin and I danced it out in the kitchen (below) !

So many laughs!

The Final Countdown

2011-05-17T19:19:00.010-04:00

Ok ok ok - so this is getting serious and the FINAL COUNTDOWN song can only mean one thing...!!

There is just a few weeks before I am due to arrive in NYC! The time is finally (well almost) upon us! Je suis si exciter!

This last 6 months has been a really surreal experience. I feel that everything that has happened in my life so far has somehow resurfaced at some point during this time and it has really forced me to look at and audit every aspect of these experiences, owning up to things, feeling things, realising the importance of staying true to yourself, all those wonderful things that life is about. To understand it and just deal, even if I didn't really want to. I have had a lot of time over this period to reflect (which after being in autopilot mode for most of 2010, was a big smack in the chops), write and FEEL which has ultimately helped me grow as I am consciously learning about myself everyday.

I still think about Brisbane. I still think about my friends. I still think about old friendships, past events, the people, the love, the laughter, the lessons, there is just so much to consider - finally getting out of the rut that I felt I was living in Brisbane. Traveling has made me do this and for this I am very grateful.

I'm still learning to rely on myself and not hide with me and my feelings behind what I own or my material possessions - and also because I could only bring over 30kg (ok so I took 50kg) of luggage over - doing the minimalist thing, it's so important. And plus I don't even want to be this crazy bag-lady carrying all her old shit around. I needed to get it all out to move onto my next adventure.

SO!

NEW YORK CITY. This is finally happening!
I had my visa interview the other day, was quite nerve-wracking - mostly due to not having been through such a rigorous visa-process before. But it is due to be delivered tomorrow thank goodness, then I will be booking flights and getting myself organised!

I have a load of fabulous people to meet and get in touch with once I get to NY and will be spending my first month getting ready to start my course, finalising accommodation, finding some form of routine, meeting new NY peeps etc etc yadayada....

SO - Now time for "Things I've Been Doing"

Writing my TO-DO lists and drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee as usual.....

Almost dying from chilli overdose. Went to this wicked thai place with my Swede-viking-cousin-sisters where I decided to put my UK chilli skills to the test. Needless to say I almost died, and just HAD to drink so much ginger beer and cider to cope with the taste which then led to hysterical moments of embarrassment at a comedy night at The Good Ship in Kilburn. When asked by the host how my Scandinavian friends and I knew each other, I decided to announce to the entire pub, that my friends and I know each other because our dads worked as vikings together back in the day. I was also the loud clout who yelled out "NEJ" when asked if the "sex-obsessed scandi-babes" found a double jointed shoulder trick attractive. Well it's true at least.

The ginger beer that saved my burny-ness from thai red curry and spoonfuls of chilli oil.

The coffee and book that accompanied me on my train ride down to Southampton. Went to see my fabulous friend Tom and hang out before I leave for NY. I stayed at Tom's when I first got to the UK and he also introduced me to his wonderful group of friends who took me in (Scandinavian sisters and the Kings Jazz Jam musicians). A lot of my fabulous London memories have more often than not been in his company, whether it was gigs, cooking, scotch, or when it snowed! It was great to catch up and sad to say goodbye, I don't know, it's hard saying goodbye to people when you don't know when you're going to see them next. Have done that quite a lot with traveling and since leaving Australia.

Baking off with my friends!

On the table there is croissants (direct from Paris), Peanut Butter Pie and Chocolate Cloud Cake. My Scandinavian viking sister-cousins and my German cousin have all been getting together more recently for cook-ups, dinner parties, drinks and desserts and it has been loads of fun.

The gift of lipstick! (Scandi sis sharing the pink lipstick love and gave me some makeup!)

Enjoying the clouds/sunshine/weather.

SO - as usual, there is loads more to write about. I can hardly contain myself about NY but I must sleep and have a hundred other things to do. There is a good chance I will be getting over the Sweden right before NYC... but that will be kept under wraps until I organise myself!

Au revoir my dear friends wherever you are,

tam xx

Keep Calm & Carry On

2011-05-10T17:07:00.005-04:00

There's a whole lot going on in the life of tam. My time in London is coming to an end, getting ready for NY, dealing with crazy people, crazy job, my general craziness, visa applications, interviews, documents, scholarships, my mentality, my attitudes, I have been reflecting quite a lot, social outings, savoring the sun - it has been nothing short of hectic - and I wish I had more time for this blog!

Having said that, I finally feel some sort of clarification with things. I am slowly getting back to myself, not an anxious heap, I actually slept for 9 hours last night. Things just feel more like I'm going in the right direction.

This next month is going to hopefully be my last month in London (until I return for some kind of lucrative West-End contract and they give me my own apartment in Notting Hill). My departure will be bittersweet, I feel like London and I could have been much better friends... oh well, perhaps next time.

I have been working at this school with some really wicked kids, the education system is completely backwards, but it's good to be able to get through to some of these kids and help them progress. I have about 10 school days left before mid-term break, and if all goes to plan, it looks like I will be gone before the next term resumes.

Apart from that, I have been socialising a little bit and working on this musical but mostly just in my own head, I kind of did the same thing before I left for London. Just getting used to the idea that yet another change is coming up soon.

One of my old lecturers emailed me the other day and said "don't worry about the craziness of travelling - you'll be addicted to it in no time. Stability is over rated anyway..." some serious words of wisdom right there. I have been hearing from a lot of friends lately, it's so good for my mentality to be in touch with friends and I appreciate all my friends in my life. Just keeps me grounded.

So friends, lovers, dreamers, signing off now. Will try and write more coming up to leaving for NYC

tamx

PS I have a daytrip to the "Sea-side" as these Brits call it, on Saturday... hoping to take a few photos and enjoy the sun (if the sun actually comes out)

Put me with the talented, energised, creative, spontaneous, witty, clever, musical, fashionable and fabulous people!

2011-05-01T14:04:00.003-04:00

Is it too much to ask?

I NEED A BREAK.

For some reason I just feel low on energy, there are things that I want to change about my currently London lifestyle eg, working 7 days a week for the most part, not running, not enough socialising with amazing people,other things like not being able to travel or do my Paris trip (just gutted about that), but as I've said, things are starting to come together for NY and studying at NYFA, the pressure, I just need to get away from London or something, even if it is just for the day.

Despite my lack of energy for London, I do feel a certain buzz when I think about NYC. So I'm organising my visa this week and getting finance and everything figured out for this course. NYFA have kindly awarded me with another scholarship, I am so lucky and so grateful. Gaining funding for this has been a real challenge, a real test to my own work ethic. I am so grateful for the helped I have received. I feel like it's actually happening now....

There is still a shortfall as I need finance for living expenses, but the Dame Joan Sutherland fund have awarded me with $2k and I am waiting to hear on some other sources, things are gearing up people, I am just getting so excited!

To stay on top of things, I have been singing and practicing. My voice needs more work, but everyone's their own worst critic aren't they? Starting to cull a lot of stuff before NY - getting back to minimalism lifestyle once again! Oh how I indulge thee! Also been in touch with more of my darling beautiful friends - bless them for keeping me sane!!! AND I've started writing a musical with one of my friends... well. Kind of, the ideas are there, storyboarding and writing lyrics for the potential songs, still in planning stages, but something that is keeping my creative boat afloat along the putrid and polluted waters of London.

Looking forward to a change of pace. A lifestyle that I will enjoy and hopefully get the most out of. Definitely looking forward to my ballet lessons especially - LOL. I just want to find my place in this world of creativity and music. I feel I have loads to offer and once I get some sort of a network established in NY I will be able to just revel into a lifestyle of theatre and music and studying again (How I long for education - I feel so unproductive when I feel like I'm not learning anything). No more mediocre job, but the life of a creative being. Continual learning, support, and a desire for the unknown. The title of this blog really sums it up.

So some things I have been doing to pass the time until I get on a on way flight to NYC .....

Enjoying glimpses of sunlight in between cafe work and teaching at the school.

Making my flat white coffees at Minkies Deli - becoming a famed Australian barista, it's nice working in an environment where you are appreciated and looked after (yes bye to Nescafe/Queensbury Deli - that horrid uncultured cafe...)

Contemplating the state of my converse that I have... I need a new pair - these shoes need a funeral.

Baking, blueberry and cinnamon scones

And keeping myself amused while teaching lovely little children at the school.....

Just gotta breathe and get through this next month! May. Hello May!

Grandma's Letter

2011-04-28T16:34:00.004-04:00

I keep this in my purse to remind me of my dear grandma "Mema", who i spoke to on the phone the other day. She wrote this letter to me before I left Australia on behalf of her and my aunty and uncle, bless. I just read it now and again for a giggle, she says that she thinks I got my singing talent from her as she auditioned to sing on a radio show when she was a kid growing up in Sydney. She also mentions that she doesn't get a call back but it was their loss. <- I guess that is kind of familiar, maybe I don't get your talent Mema, but definitely the attitude? :)

Things are gearing up for NY, will have more details soon to come. I also received some wonderful news relating to my financial status for studying, things are slowly and surely coming together, still I have a long way to go, but piece by piece it's all starting to click in and this experience of what is to come is starting to take shape.

I will be study about 40 hours a week, singing, dancing, acting. This is too exciting.... I almost peed a little bit when my admissions councilor told me, it's everything in a practical course to get me ready for musical theatre.

Go team tam!

And Breathe

2011-04-24T18:26:00.010-04:00

Ok so lately it does seem that I am bouncing from two different extremes. And I am.

Having said that, I am learning patience, and I am making a conscious effort to relax and sometimes it's an unconscious decision which is even better, i'm just enjoying things a little more now.

I have heard from several friends these past weeks, all from different stages of my life. It is really nice to know I am in my friends' thoughts. I don't feel so betty-basketcase about it all, some encouraging words too it's been really nice and thoughtful.

Sometimes you just need an outer perspective and my friends know me better than myself sometimes, I'm so grateful when they can offer me little pieces of profound advice like:
"Calm down tam"

I'm not being sarcastic, this is one of the best things to say when I'm having an anxious moment that could potentially lead to hysteria. Seriously, I'm not joking. It soothes my soul.
I also like hearing:

"Tam it's the journey not the destination", & "You're going to get there anyway", that's usually from Luke. Oh this from my mortgage broker Kel:

"Things that are worth having don’t always come easily", and:

"Tam just breathe" - that was a nice email from my buddy Simon, bless, just a thought to breathe, and my favorite from Michelle:

"Tam you're already a success"

- I just love them! I hope that I can offer the same thoughts of wisdom and support to my friends when they need it! You gotta share in the love and wisdom...

So on my relaxing Saturday - after helping my dear cheffy friend prepare food for a catering job, I went down Portobello Rd by myself, took some photos, drank coffee, read my book (currently reading Lolita) - just enjoyed myself! Go team breathe!

Check out some photos!

The Final Countdown

2011-04-21T19:11:00.003-04:00

Well my dear friends, the countdown is on.

I have maybe about 5-6 weeks left in London - give or take - haven't booked flights yet.... EEEEP!

Things have definitely geared up a notch, still applying for funding, still waiting to hear from other funding sources - fingers crossed for me please - this is my main stress! I have started getting my visas sorted, starting to think a little more minimalist about everything again. Need to do a cull. It's coming together somewhat, I just really need to stay focused and grounded and just get whatever I need to do, done.

At least the weather is nice?

Somewhat? I mean there are flowers on trees, and some patches of blue sky, almost reminds me of home....

Garden Party? Yes please! - Post Hysteria

2011-04-18T04:23:00.008-04:00

The sun is finally here! Thank you sunshine - and in order to celebrate, 2 of my lovely friends (Lisa, the designer who's jacket I modeled and Steph, our PR specialist) had a lovely little mid-spring garden party.

I have been a godawful mess these last few weeks just with everything and have finally found some solid ground and above all, patience. It has been nice coming back down to earth and hanging out with my girlfriends was a great way to forget about everything that i've been worried about and just enjoy myself. This garden party was exactly what I needed!

As we all enjoy cooking, we each had the duty to cook a dish for the night. Because of the lack of dinner parties I have attended in London thus far, I felt a great urge to make my signature dessert dish Blueberry and Timtam cheesecake. (Instead of Australian Timtams, I used these cadbury chocolate sticks, a little bit of melted dark chocolate and melted butter). AND because it feels kind of like summer (not quite like an Australian summer but close enough) I decided to also make sangria! Love it!

My dearest Swedish cousin Lisa (we're not really cousins but we figured our relatives were vikings together at some point yeah? And sometimes I think Lisa looks similar to one of my sissy's)
My other cousin Stephanie (from Germany - since my mother's side is German, then surely we must be cousins from way back too yeah?) OH and the SANGRIA in question :)

And below is me showing off my $3AUD dress I bought last year... Gotta love a good opshop buy!

The blueberry and chocolate cheesecake!Reindeer!! (Cooked by Lisa) This meat is just so tasty! Both times I have tried reindeer and it's just lovely!
The pancake dish that Stephanie made with béchamel and this German vegetable... I can pronounce it but can't spell it...
The girls

I had a wonderful time with the girls, we caught up on the gossip and talked about our plans for the next few years, it's so nice to have a group of girlfriends. Also, being social has definitely pulled me out of this funk I have been in and it was great to have the opportunity to cook for people for a change instead of just me :)

Will have an update soon on my plans for the next few months because I don't have much longer to go before I will be living in New York City..... So keep following...

Sunny Days( Where Have You Gone?)

2011-04-14T19:17:00.004-04:00

They are here somewhere, I know there is, and I am slowly starting to find some ground again - thank christ!

After being slowed down by a nasty ass Cuban cold that my flatmate brought home from his holiday, and other mental obstacles, I am pulling myself together physically and mentally bit by bit, piece by piece.

I am back to internal Tam for a bit to just get my head right, plan my next move, I don't have much time left in London, and to get ready for New York.

Not everything has turned out to plan for London and again it's me putting unrealistic expectations on myself to achieve a million different things and then totally beat myself up for not doing it. So these last few days in my bed-ridden state, I have tackled little projects one at a time and just found comfort in reading and listening to music (and song writing!) and just keeping in touch with friends and family. It's been nice to kind of enjoy these school holidays.

In other amazing news - I have finally pulled the pin on Nescafe. After hanging out for an afternoon in this very lovely chilled Deli called Minkies one of the baristas and I were discussing coffee - as you do - and he was ranting about how Australians and their "flat whites"...

Considering myself more coffee savvy than most, I explained the difference and was invited to make a flat white behind the counter to show them what it was. I made it with my fabulous coffee artistic skills and was immediately offered a job and "Can you start monday?"

And what a lovely place it is to work, I was offered a coffee as soon as I walked in the door on my first shift - and it wasn't Nescafe thank christ! And the people I am now working with are just lovely. There is a chance the owner is also looking to put on some live music on some nights as it's coming into summer and I have promptly offered to help organise (and maybe even do some gigs). YAY.

So patience is the key people, I have a few little things that I say to myself everyday to keep myself on track and not in unrealistic Tam-land. It's nice to be back on earth again.

Been listening to Travis a lot and I love this song - it reminds me of a party I went to in high school where I fell for the worlds worst pickup line... thats another story altogether, somewhat bittersweet... Although I only remember the bitter feelings...

Give Yourself An Uppercut

2011-04-11T13:46:00.010-04:00

Yes it is 3:47am and I am awake. I woke up shivering in a cold sweat and just started crying. I was in the middle of a crazy dream where I was trying to audition for a famous composer who also wanted me to be his voice coach for his other singers. I was so stressed I couldn't get through the audition because I was shaking so much.... then I woke up shaking and in a cold sweat, still stressed.... what a way to be tam - well done.

I think i'm getting sick - thanks housemate for bringing back your stank cold from Cuba - you came back tanned yet infected - I am pasty see-through and shaking like a leaf all because you had a wonderful time in Cuba.... So not only am I shaking and hysterical, I am just a fucking mess.

I am in a state, and I am never usually honest about when I have meltdowns. I try to conceal it and think that everything is going to be alright but really - I am a mess. I have put so much pressure on myself and my stability lies somewhere on the spectrum of manic depressive and delirious. I am having a total Debbie Downer....

So what did I do? I called dad, not mum because she might have started crying and we can't have that, so I call dad. I'm crying like a lunatic and I tell dad, its early in the morning, I am a mess I have woken up stressing about money, I didn't get that last grant, I am a failure and blah blah blah... My dad's response was just about perfect.

"Give yourself an uppercut".

I am a lot like my dad (Je suis similaire mon pere - I don't know if that is right, but points for trying...) and if it's one thing that can get through to in my hysterical mess it's dad. I talked it out and we reasoned everything that I was feeling and going through out. It is truly hard being away from people, family and friends who I can just call and be a hysterical mess with, and it's not like I am like this all the time, but I put so much pressure on myself to succeed that sometimes it physically makes me sick, and I just go through the same thought process - am I good enough? Will I make it? How will I know? What is making it? Am I good enough? Will I make it? What can I do to fix this? To-do list? Follow up? Feel good about it for a while, gain an inch... hit an obstacle, lose a mile? Why did I lose? Am I not good enough... just around and around the carousel.... up and down around and around...

It is totally ridiculous that I go through this thought process and I put this pressure on myself, BUT I am really determined and I AM putting it all on the line.

I miss the closeness of my family so much, but this was always going to be a part of it wasn't it? Anyway I am feeling loads better after getting that out... and I feel a lot better after talking it out with dad. Tomorrow is another day for me to schedule in things that are important and I have all the time in the world because I am not working so go team! Well I have a student in the morning but that is all - so i'm leaving with some photos of me familia loca - I really need to learn the french for it... mon famille fou? It is now 4:39am I have been awake for two hours and really need to get some sleep....

I miss my two beautiful sissy's

My darling mumma
My goober baby bro
and mon pere

Also a song to inspire - that's right. And don't you forget it. John Farnham was one of the greatest Australia rock voices and I remember I used to sit saucer-eyed at the TV watching this when I was a kid - wish I had a band as awesome as his and wish I could be upstage singing these songs.... Stop laughing at me. John Farnham rocks ok.

Learning To Dance In The Rain

2011-04-11T04:26:00.000-04:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, It is about learning to dance in the rain.."

After perhaps a few wonderful weeks, I have once again found myself a crumbling mess, and by crumbling mess I mean crying myself to sleep and wishing things were different. I am trying to just let go and not worry about things but I go back and find myself so stressed out.... I feel like I haven't had the best time in London, I coulda, shoulda, woulda done a lot more but when you have no network it really is hard to find somewhere you feel like you belong.....

I am so stressed about money, money to study and live in NY. Missing out on a grant I applied for was a huge blow... Have I made the right decision? Should I have left Brisbane when I did? I don't believe in regrets, I believe in lessons, Is this a lesson? Have I totally fucked my career and set myself back because I was so desperate to get out of Brisbane?

I needed a break. Life was so beige, I was trapped in working but ultimately had no time to pursue my other interests - and now I feel like it is my own fault.

I am finding comfort in my iTunes playlist, practicing, writing things down - lists, feelings, ideas - reaffirming my goals....

Can I redeem myself? Can I financially be ready? Can I do this? I want to believe I can.

I am trying to stay motivated and productive but it is just so frustrating. This is a moment of weakness and I hate weakness. It feels utterly pathetic.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Riding The Wave

2011-04-04T15:45:00.012-04:00

This is my current theme song and I've been singing it a lot lately - you just have to appreciate the filmclip for what it is too - it's a piece of early 90's-tastic! So things are certainly looking a lot better! Go team Tam!

So my poor darling Mac died and I rushed it to hospital (the Brent Cross Apple store) It was fixed and back in my hot little hands within 24 hours - was so impressed. I was almost delirious by the end of my horrible week and I have rectified everything that went wrong.....
I also decided on my last day of work at the place I was fired (due to funding ok - I didn't punch any children), I was going to speak only using lyrics from the hit song "Whip My Hair" as you can tell I am totally trying to keep myself amused... So there are the obvious lines like "I whip my hair back and forth" and repeat, but some other stellar lyrics writing in there, "Don't let haters keep me off my grind" and of course this little pearler "Hop up out the bed, turn my swag on". It's the little things. C'est le petit choses. It really helped me turn my fired frown upside down.

So things have picked up! I got another teaching job, they are giving me more work too, I applied for another grant, getting my teaching business off the ground, my skin cleared up, I got my social on (and my pash on) and there is blue sky in London Town. It is crazy how full on this life has been since my departure from Australia. I know I keep saying that, I know.... Broken record sorry.

So at the end of my "character building" week, my new friend Tys(who also happens to be from Brisbane) invited me to dinner with him and his friends - 2 crazy Lithuanians, a Portuguese guy and a Canadian girl. It was a hilarious night out and we danced our way all over Shoreditch gay bars after eating some awesome vietnamese food. We had pretty much a bottle of wine each at our table for dinner and by the time we got out to the bars my face was flushed red from the wine, or my inner thermostat was going haywire as I have fully adjusted to London weather BUT it was so great meeting people, so many laughs!

We found our way to some gay bar where I met a few Aussies and some other fabulous people! I vaguely remember my new Lithuanian friend Asta(girl) pole dancing in between this gay sandwich having the time of her life - apparently the Lithuanian gay bar isn't so good, and yes apparently there is only one. I was also knighted by this fabulous gay who, I thought he was 33 (he was 46) and he thought I was 19 - I know, we all look so young and fabulous under the disco lights, so there on the dance floor, he knighted me young and fabulous forever, just beautiful moments everywhere.

I met some really lovely people, this guy helped me find my bus when I finally decided to make the trek home, another European who chatted with me at the bus stop, I don't know what it is, I think the weather has really changed London. When I got here people were so cranky but that night out, everyone I met was lovely and could hold a conversation - was such a relief and such a great way to end my horrendous week AND I JUST NEEDED A GOOD DANCE!

So I've been quite the socialite (getting ready for my time in NY) and went out last week with the 2 chefs I work with at Nescafe - they are just lovely! We went down to Brixton and randomly ended up in this Algerian restaurant Khamsa - amazing food it was just delicious! Just so many flavours, the food was great. I was so full after eating there, definitely a place to go back to.

With all the good food around I've been slowly getting back into cooking - I miss it so much! I mean I've been cooking but BAKING! My inner Betty bake off is itching to get out and cook amazing food for people, SO I went and purchased the cheapest hand mixer I could find:

£5.95 at Sainsburys AND baked choc flourless cake!

Unfortunately because my cooking skills are so amazing, the cake was all gone before I could get some decent photos of it. My flatmate and I ate some, and I took a heap in for the girls at Nescafe (god knows a bit of chocolate cake would cheer up anyone who works there).

I also baked a Spinach and fetta pie (although I forgot to ad bacon! UGH)

And my favorite food group (cheese) Haloumi (or as Jainy calls it "Hamouli")cheese with roasted vegetables. I love food. Oh god I love food.

My mumma would also be proud, I baked one of her Impossible Pies. You whip up all the ingredients together and then when it bakes, it all settles into layers - mei, c'est impossible! I KNOW! BUT THAT IS WHAT THIS CAKE IS ALL ABOUT!

Can you see the layering??? Can you see it?

So there was a french market on nearby a few weeks back and I went and ordered some food in french! Go me! I haven't been practicing as much these last 2 weeks, but next week, when school is on holidays and I get my quiet life back, practice is back on!

So go team, things are feeling good, I am getting my invincibility back again and my energy! Been keeping in with my travel brothers and sisters, they are always great for energy and support - love love love you people, you keep me sometimes from throwing myself in front of a bus. I just have to keep persevering, I have a lot I want to get done and mentally need to keep on top of things. This year is a huge year for my career and I have set out to achieve a lot of goals - just got to keep the bigger prize in mind and not get caught up in this trivial day to day stuff.

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people".

This is one of my favorite quotes and one I try and be mindful about, getting my philosophical on for you all now... the best people in my life are the people who I talk ideas with, straight up. It is so important to me to be able to have these kind of conversations with the people who are important to you... anyway, enough ranting, I need my sleep.

txx

Mr Postman

2011-03-30T02:17:00.001-04:00

The postman loves me!

My dearest bff in Cambodia Queen B, posted a lovely package over for my birthday consisting of stationery! Considering that I also bought myself stationery for my birthday (a beautiful moleskin -my new ideas, hopes and dreams book) I am starting to build up a wonderful collection!

I also received a lovely postcard from one of my darling twitter friends @johnlacey - bless!

What a way to spread the love! Things are picking up in Tam land - last week was so difficult, my worst week yet but it's getting better again and I'm just enjoying myself a little more, letting go - going with the flow (thanks Luke - love YOUR guts) - go team travel!

Just When I Thought This Week Couldn't Get Any Better

2011-03-26T13:30:00.002-04:00

My MacBook Pro died - I am currently writing this blog from the Apple Store in Brent Cross - the diagnosis was a failing graphics card, it's totally fixable (FOR FREE THANK FUCK!) And I am smiling at life - fuck you world, you are not going to bring me down! I'm Tamara Jayne Hansson goddamnit!

The Darkest Hour Is Just Before Dawn

2011-03-24T19:52:00.004-04:00

Yeah, moody I know....
I don't think this week could get any better. I lost my job today and they have given me exactly a days notice - nice innit?

I am trying SO HARD to stay positive, to keep my chin up, to "get back on the horse", sunny days are ahead etc etc.... but seriously. After my failures earlier in the week, losing my job really does top it all off - i'm talking about the well paid job, not Nescafe. I still work there for minimum wage - always look on the bright side of life right?

So today, to cheer myself up - after crying (again) on the tube on the way home from work like an emotional loser, I submitted an application for more funding and went and saw a play (FOR FREE!) with some new friends.

Go team tam. I also cheered myself up watching this video

So the next few days/weeks I am going to try really hard, make a conscious effort to create more positive waves, I am sick of this negative London vibe, it's so passé. I know you're nice London, just gimme a break. Please.